Going to a Szechwan, Thai or Korean restaurant with my friend, David, frequently turns into a pantomime as we try various tactics to convince the staff that we REALLY DO MEAN IT when we say that we want our food authentically spicy- and not some watered down version designed for American/British palates. I don’t think that we are the stereotypical macho, competitive, chile-death capsicum cowboys that can be so annoying at Indian restaurants, but we do like extremes in flavor.
Perhaps The Chowhound Passport could help? Which would be more embarrassing, the pantomime or waving this thing about?